The Babylon Bee's Predictions for 2023
Brought to you by: Tuttle Twins
It's that time of year again - when the mystic oracles at The Babylon Bee tell you what will happen in the next year with 100% accuracy! Will 2023 be better than this year? You decide!
January 1 - Millions set out to read their entire Bible
January 4 - Dozens still reading their entire Bible
January 6 - AOC dies again of PTSD after recounting her death on January 6
February 13 - Kamala Harris reports that Biden had an unfortunate accident coming down the stairs
February 16 - Kamala caught laughing while at Biden's funeral
February 19 - Kamala Harris sworn in
February 20 - Weed criminalized heavily in all 50 states
March 3 - Whoopi Goldberg says something racist
March 13 - AOC says something stupid
March 23 - John Fetterman finally finishes taking his oath of office
April 4 - The war in Ukraine ends
April 5 - The war in Taiwan begins
April 12 - SBF says that another $50 million of people's money has gone missing
May 1 - Obama releases a new memoir
May 12 - No one shows up to work across America. Also, all Nintendo Switches are sold out for some reason
May 19 - Webster changes the definition of gender
May 22 - Bob Iger bends the knee and swears fealty to Ron DeSantis
May 25 - Public schools announce they will now allow Tuttle Twins books in school libraries
May 26 - Tuttle Twins books pulled from libraries after students start questioning teachers' bias
June 4 - Kanye says he's not crazy anymore
June 5 - Kanye joins the KKK
July 4 - Zelensky named president of the United States
August 8 - Dr. Fauci comes out of retirement after new COVID strain leaks from a lab
August 12 - Alex Jones sued for another $400 trillion billion
September 15 - Obama releases a new memoir
September 20 - Elon releases part 3,285 of the Twitter files
October 27 - Elon Musk buys The View, promptly cancels the show forever
October 29 - Post Office releases Jan 6 commemorative stamp
November 9 - Pizzagate conspiracy confirmed true
November 23 - Brian Stelter retires to Idaho to be with his kind
November 25 - Elon Musk announces gas-powered Tesla to save us all from the coming ice age
December 5 - Disney announces Phase 5 of the Marvel Universe will be Brie Larson giving a series of 2-hour TED talks on misogyny.
December 10 - A late-night host says something funny (hey, we can dream right?)
December 31 - The last remaining person still reading through their Bible finally finishes it.
Sources: The Babylon Bee
www.ExtremelyAmerican.com